Hidden Feelings
by anonymouswriterff
Summary: Emily finds JJ's diary while cleaning up the house. Will she like what she read? Or will she decide not to read it at all? Established Jemily. Spoiler alert: return of a character from previous seasons.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I've been having this idea for a while now and I thought it was time to put it into a story. It is set after the current season and JJ and Emily are married. Everything will become clear when you read it :-)**

 **Spoiler alert: Someone from previous seasons will come back.**

 **Special thanks: I would really like to thank elphiemolizbethbau. She beta read this to filter some grammar/spelling mistakes. So, thank you Gabby! I strongly recommend taking a look at her profile, she has written some amazing stories! You won't regret it!**

 **Anyways, I don't want to hold you guys up any longer. Here it is! I hope you like it!**

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 **Chapter 1**

 _"Today I start a diary; it is against my usual habbits, but out of clearly felt need."_

 _– Robert Musil_

It was 8 a.m. and Emily Prentiss Jareau was wandering around the house. All the blondes were out, so she had the entire day to herself. She stopped in the kitchen to make herself a coffee while looking out the large window to the backyard. They had bought the house right before they had gotten married, just because it had a garden so huge the boys would be able to horse around. Emily had built a homemade swing around the large tree in the middle of the garden, and the two little Jareaus had fallen in love with it at first sight.

Closing her hand around her cup of coffee, she turned around and walked past the living room. She climbed the stairs, one hand on the railing, and made her way to the master bedroom. A sigh left her lips as she stood in the doorway of the master bedroom and took in the sight. Clothes and boxes were scattered all over the floor, JJ's jewelry was a knotted pile of necklaces, and Emily only spotted one boot of her favorite pair. It was time to keep her promise and clean up the mess she had made earlier that week.

She placed her coffee, which she hadn't even sipped from yet, on the bedside table and sat down on the bed with JJ's necklaces on her lap. Why is it when you toss two necklaces at the same time that they instantly knot? Why did JJ have to have so many necklaces in the first place? Frustrated at the lack of movement in the tight knot, Emily grumbled to herself. It took her five minutes to finally free one necklace, and after that it was only a matter of time before the rest followed. Emily Prentiss wasn't a quitter.

She got up and neatly hung the necklaces on the jewelry holder against the wall, which they specifically built against the right wall next to JJ's side of the bed. Once every necklace was back in place, she made her way towards the big walk-in closet behind the left wall. She re-organized the closet to make room for the shoes clothes scattered around the floor. Hanging the last piece of clean clothing on a coat rack, her eyes fell on something blue on the top shelf. Only an inch of the object was showing and she reached up to pull it down.

Looking at the A4 book in her hands, she immediately knew what it was. She had never thought of JJ as the type of person to keep a diary, but her gut told her that was exactly what it was she was holding in both hands. She casually paged through the book and immediately noticed it didn't have daily entries. She flipped back to the very first page and paused for a mere second before letting out a groan and tossing it to the bed. "No, Emily, you can't," she said to herself as she took her cup of coffee and sat down in one of the two chairs against the wall.

Her eyes were fixated on the diary lying on the bed. It was as if it was taunting Emily to read it. "Oh no, I am not reading you," she told the book and crossed her right leg over her left. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the blue cover, since it matched JJ's eyes so perfectly. She placed the still untouched coffee on the table next to her and crossed her arms over her chest, yet her eyes remained fixated on the diary. Daring to glance at her watch, she saw it was 8.45 a.m. That meant she still had a little over 8 hours before everyone would return.

"Fine, you win," she scoffed before lunging forward, grabbing the book and sinking back in her chair. She didn't open the book immediately and just stared at the blue cover for a few minutes, still conflicted. On one hand, she wanted to know JJ's secret thoughts so badly, but on the other she didn't want to invade in her privacy. JJ had kept this diary for a reason and Emily was sure this wasn't it.

She took in a deep breath as her curiosity got the better of her and turned to the very first entry. This felt wrong on so many levels, but she just couldn't help herself. She trailed her finger over JJ's handwriting, smiling to herself. "I'm sorry," she sighed, making herself comfortable in the chair. She supported the book with one hand and took a hold of her coffee with the other, not even realizing it would be cold by now, as she let her eyes fall on the first lines of the first entry.

 _Dear Diary ; My sister Rosaline, a story rarely told_

 _My therapist said it might be a good idea to buy you and try this whole diary thing. I'm not very good at explaining my feelings, but she thought writing them down might help. I'm not really sure how this is going to do any good, but mother told me I should give it a shot. So, here it goes._

 _The reason I had to see my therapist again is I had what you can call a mental breakdown in class yesterday. It was stupid really, but the teacher was asking us who we wanted present at our graduation. Of course, the first people that came to mind were my parents, but I also had to think of my sister. My beautiful sister Rosaline. The thought of her not being able to be there made me so angry and the feeling came so suddenly I just placed my hands under my desk and turned it upside down out of frustration. I got up from my seat and started kicking my desk over and over again. The teacher had to drag me out of the classroom to the principal's office and I kept kicking and screaming all the way._

 _Poor woman, actually. In hindsight, she really didn't deserve it but I just couldn't help myself. I felt so lost again just like I felt seven years ago and the feeling surprised me so hard I lost control of my actions. Mother picked me up from school and drove me straight to the same therapist I saw seven years ago. So now here I am, writing to you._

 _It feels silly, but it seems like it's really helping me. Writing down my feelings that is. It's much easier than talking about them. Maybe I should give you some insight as to what happened a few years ago._

 _Well, seven years ago, my lovely sister decided to kill herself. Just thinking about it makes me feel so angry again. Why did she do that? Why did she leave us? (Just for the record, the questions I ask are rhetorical. You're a damn book, you can't answer me anyway) I always thought she was so happy. She never once complained about anything to me._

 _Did she not want to burden me with her problems because I was only 11 years old? We were best friends and I never understood why she did it. I still don't. Was I too much of a pain in the ass for her? Did she not want to be in this world anymore because of all the cruelty it held? Did she have so much pain we didn't know about? The questions will always remain and we'll never get any answers._

 _Damn it, Rosaline! Why did you never tell us you were struggling?! I should just pull you back from heaven and kill you myself! Do you have any idea what you did to us? To_ me? _You were being selfish, Rosaline! Maybe we could've helped you!_

 _On important days I still wear her necklace. She gave it to me two weeks before it happened and I just now realize, as I'm writing this, that maybe it was a sign. People give away prized possessions right? Don't they say that? Maybe that was her way of telling me something was wrong. Why didn't I realize it back then? Of course, I was only eleven years old but she was my big sister. I always thought she was happy, but there was one emotion in her eyes that I couldn't quite place at that age. Now, come to think of it, I realize it was sadness._ _She had a lot of sadness in her eyes._

 _Mother and father still struggle too sometimes. There are days which will always be hard for us, like her birthday. We still light a candle every single year and wish her a happy birthday. Everyone always says things will get better in time. They're right, you know. Things do get easier, but the wounds never heal. Those wounds will always remain. Especially because we don't know the 'why'. Why did she do it? I guess we'll never know the answer, but one thing is certain; I will never forget my lovely sister. No matter how angry I am with her. Though my heart will never be whole again. I will never be whole again._

 _I think I owe a big thank you to my therapist. It really is a relief writing everything down. I think I might try this more often. Let's call you... Rosaline, for future references. Yeah, I like that, Rosaline. It gives me the feeling I'm talking to my sister. I won't be one of those girls who writes daily though. I will write on important days in my life or if I really feel the need to talk to you, very much like today. I also won't be naming the entries by date, I rather give them a real title. For example this one, I will be naming: My sister Rosaline, a story rarely told._

 _Well, I guess that's all for now._

 _See you soon, Rosaline._

 _I miss you._

 _I love you._

 _Love, Jennifer_

Emily closed the book immediately, resting a hand on its cover. It felt wrong to be reading JJ's life like this. It felt as if she invaded her wife's life on more than one level. As she took a large gulp of her coffee, her face immediately turning into one of disgust as she realized it had gone cold. She had the urge to spit the coffee out of her mouth, but the thought of ruining the carpet in the bedroom made her swallow the liquid at the last minute. "Damn, that's disgusting!" Getting up from the chair, she tucked the book under her arm and walked back to the kitchen, stretching her body as she went after sitting in the same position for too long.

Back in the kitchen, she carefully placed the book on the table as if it was a baby that needed gentle care. She didn't want anything to happen to the precious, blue book. Turning to the drain, she poured away her coffee and made herself another one. This time, she wrapped both hands around the warm cup and turned around to lean her back against the counter. As she sipped from her cup, while trying not to burn her tongue, she eyed the book and grunted. "I am not reading you again," she mumbled over the edge of the mug.

She turned her back towards the book and looked outside instead to the large swing she had built for the boys, noticing the wind was making it swing. With a small sigh, she fished her phone out of her pocket and typed in a message.

 **How's it going over there?**

Tossing her phone to her right, she leaned one hand flat on the counter. Her favorite people were only gone for about 45 minutes and she missed them already. Luckily, she didn't have to wait long for a response. She picked up her phone and read the message.

 **We're just having breakfast at our favorite restaurant. Can you please clean up the house like you promised?**

With a grunt at the message, she stuffed her phone back in her pocket before turning around again to eye the book. She took a deep breath before placing the remaining coffee on the table and grabbing the book hastily. "You are going back where you belong," she said sternly as she made her way back to the stairs. However, as she made it to the first step, she stopped dead in her tracks and looked at the book, resting a hand on its cover. She allowed her fingers to slowly glide over the fabric. "Damn, I'm so easy."

With that, she turned on her heels and walked into the living room. With her coffee once again forgotten, Emily carefully tossed the book on the couch before picking up the small coffee table and turning it the right side up. After organizing the magazines properly, she settled herself in the couch, swinging her legs over the armrest into a comfortable position. She opened the diary and flipped through the pages, skipping some titles such as; 'Graduation', 'First day at the BAU' and 'Welcome to the world, Henry'. Although she was keen to read the entry about Henry, her eyes fell on the next entry titled; 'William LaMontagne Jr. VS Emily Prentiss'.

A small smile made its way to her lips as her finger trailed over the title. JJ had caught her eye as soon as she laid eyes on the beautiful blonde in Hotch's office her first day at work. Now was her chance to find out what JJ thought of her back then. "This better be good, Jareau," she said to no one in particular before nuzzling her body further into the cushions. She placed one hand on the back of the book to support it, while the other rested on her stomach.

 _Dear Rosaline ; William LaMontagne Jr. VS Emily Prentiss_

 _I have to tell you a secret, Rosaline. You have to promise you won't tell anyone because this is a very big deal to me. What I'm about to tell you will probably shock you, but I can promise you it was a shock to me too once I realized it. Okay, here it goes._

 _I think I'm in love with Emily Prentiss._

 _I know I didn't mention it in any of my previous entries and I know I always said how happy I am with Will, but let me come clean about that. I kind of lied a little in the previous entries. Or at least, I hid some things from you. Is that the same thing? Depends on how you look at it probably. Anyways, things with Will haven't always been as easy as I told you._

 _Trust me, I never thought I'd be able to like a woman in this way and I certainly never thought it'd be my best friend I have this feelings for but… I don't know. It's hard to explain. Maybe I shouldn't even try. Goodnight, Rosaline_

 _Love, Jennifer_

 _Okay forget it, I can't sleep. I have to try and figure this out._

 _You know, when I first met Will, I really thought I liked him. He's nice, kind and he treats me like a princess. His southern accent is a big turn off though. Then I got to know Emily better and we slowly became best friends. She is compassionate, sweet and she treats me like a queen. Also, she doesn't have the accent which is a big plus._

 _Here's the thing though: it was Emily who told me to go for Will. That gives me two possibilities. Either she didn't have feelings for me and she thought me and Will were right for each other, or she did have feelings for me and was just being this amazing woman who just wanted to see me happy._

 _If I had realized my feelings back then, I would have turned around and kissed Emily instead. But I didn't, which is kind of sad. She is just so incredibly hard to read sometimes. She has these walls around her and her head is filled with all these compartments which makes her really hard to read. Sometimes though, she lets me have a glimpse of the real Emily. Not the Emily she pretends to be at work, but the real Emily without the walls, without the compartments. I like to believe I'm the only one who gets to see her that way from time to time._

 _Then there's Will. He's lovely and all, but he's not Emily. There's also this extra body part he has, but I'm not really fond of it… The only thing it's good for is to make babies (which is how we got Henry) but otherwise I don't really like it. That's the reason we rarely have sex. It's just weird. And when we do have sex, I just let him have his way._

 _I can't say I regret my relationship with Will, because saying I regret that is also saying I regret having Henry. I could never regret having that lovely, beautiful baby boy. He's amazing and he's the only boy in the world I truly love._

 _I like Will, but with time I'm realizing more and more I just like him as a friend. He can be so smothering at times. When something's bothering me, he tries to drag it out of me. He won't leave me alone. He hugs me, he interrogates me, he pushes me and that's exactly what I don't need._

 _Then there's Emily. When she sees something's bother me, she rests her hand on my shoulder without saying a word, gently squeezes it and then backs off. She knows when she gives me some time and space, I will come to her by myself. So whenever something's bothering me, it's Emily I go to and not Will._

 _When my water broke at the BAU bullpen, Emily was the first to my side along with Garcia. They rushed me to the hospital and while Garcia went out to find some water, Emily stayed by my side. When a contraction jolted through my body, she sat behind me and wrapped both her arms around my waist. She helped me relax. Her hands rested on my stomach, her thumb gently stroking the baby bump._

 _"You're doing great," she whispered in my ear and I allowed my head to fall back against her shoulder. Together, we steadied my breath and for a second, just a mere second, I wished it was her I was having a baby with and not Will. The position we were in felt so right and the feeling in the pit of my stomach was undeniable. I was having feelings for Emily Prentiss. Will was my partner and I was having his baby, but my feelings were for Emily._

 _Then Will arrived and Emily got up from behind me while Will took her place. I missed her warm touch instantly and when Will was behind me, I never felt warm again. On the contrary to Emily's soft touch, Will was rougher when he scooped me into his arms. A lone tear made its way down my cheek and both Will and Emily believed it was from the pain of the contraction. They were both wrong. I wanted Emily to be the one behind me, not Will. As Will wiped the tear away with his hand, I imagined it was Emily wiping it away softly with her thumb. Everything about Will was rough, while everything about Emily was soft._

 _I'm not ready to say it out loud yet, I'm really not, but I can write it to you. I don't_ think _I'm in love with Emily Prentiss, Rosaline, I_ know _I'm in love with her. Now, the only question remains: How am I going to fix this mess?_

 _Let me think about that for a while and I'll get back to you soon, Rosaline._

 _Love, Jennifer_

Emily read the last part of the entry over and over again. "We could have been together so much sooner, JJ," she whispered as she allowed her head to fall back against the cushions. She stared up at the ceiling, replaying the entry in her head. JJ had been in love with her so many years before they had gotten together and she never noticed. If she had noticed, if JJ had given a hint, they would have been together from the start.

With a deep sigh, she pushed herself off the couch and placed the diary on the coffee table in front of her. "Clean up time," she told herself, wanting to forget about the diary for a while. She got up from the couch and was halfway up the stairs as her phone started ringing. She lifted it out of her pocket and looked at the screen name, a small smile playing on her lips as she picked up the phone. "Rossi, I don't really have time. I promised JJ I clean up the house."

"I know, I know," the seasoned agent answered and she could hear the concern in his voice. Leaning against the banister, she patiently waited for him to continue. He wouldn't have called if he didn't have a very good reason. "Look, I know you no longer work for the BAU, but we need your help, Emily."

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 **Any thoughts on the first chapter?**

 **-CJ-**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, I wanted to thank you all for the wonderful reviews last chapter! I hope you will enjoy this new one too!** **A big thank you to Gabby for beta reading this story! You're amazing!**

 **Sadly, I don't own anything, I'm only using the characters for my story.**

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 **Chapter 2**

 _"The nicest part is being able to write down all my thoughts and feelings; otherwise, I might suffocate."_

 _\- Anne Frank_

Emily rubbed the bridge of her nose before running a hand through her hair. "What's going on?" she questioned with a sigh, turning around to the dining room where she sat down at the table. She leaned back in her chair as she listened to the seasoned agent.

"We have a case right here in DC," Rossi explained and Emily could hear the seriousness in his voice. "We wrapped it up, but we found some documents in Arabic. It might be nothing, but we have to know what's in them. I was wondering if you could take a look at it. No one here speaks Arabic as well as you, Emily."

Not wanting to disappoint the older agent, Emily agreed. "Okay, drop them off behind the gate. You know the code. I can't promise you I'll be home, but I will look at them as soon as I can." She could hear him smiling through the phone.

"Thanks," Rossi answered and a few minutes of silence hung between them as neither of them found something to say. On one hand, he wanted to discuss her resignation, but on the other, he didn't want to push her into doing something she didn't want anymore. Eventually, he spoke, "I will drop them off at noon. Thanks again, Emily."

With that, they both said their goodbyes and Emily tossed her phone to the far corner of the table. She really didn't have anywhere to be today, but she just didn't want to face the seasoned agent, especially because she knew he could profile her. She already had a hard time leaving the BAU twice before and the third time wasn't any easier.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. She jumped up from her chair and sprinted towards the book, quickly flipping through it. "Where are you? I know she must have written about it. I just know it." She searched through the different entries and as she finally found what she was looking for, she nodded to herself. "There you are." She had stopped at the entry titled: "Emily Prentiss's death, a devastating lie".

"Baby, I'm so sorry I put you through so much misery," Emily whispered to no one in particular as a single tear ran down her cheek and fell on her name on the page before she even read it. A shaky breath left her lips as she leaned back against the couch.

 _Dear Rosaline; Emily Prentiss's death, a devastating lie_

 _Three days ago I buried Emily Prentiss. Not literally, but figuratively. No, not figuratively, it actually was literally, only Emily wasn't really in the casket. Emily wasn't actually dead even though everyone else believed she was._

 _"She never even made it off the table." That was the sentence I had to tell my team when Emily was in surgery. I never had to tell such a big lie before so I had to control every tiny detail about my body language. The hardest part of it all was knowing that while I was telling my team Emily was dead, they were actually prepping her for a transfer to Bethesda. There was one thing that made me want to tell the lie: knowing it was for Emily's safety._

 _I was mad at her first. No, I was outraged! Going after Doyle herself; what the hell was she thinking?! Did she even know what she was doing to me? I might have been in Afghanistan at the time, but when the team called me to inform me what was going on, I took the first flight back._

 _God, I can still see her lying in that hospital bed with hundreds of wires connected to her body. She seemed so helpless lying there and I felt helpless standing there because there was nothing I could do. The sheets were pulled up to her torso and her arms were placed above them. They linked her fingers together so they wouldn't fall next to the bed since they were keeping her sedated. I walked over to her and carefully took both her hands in mine. My eyes closed as my lips met her hands and a tear left my eye as her body felt warm._

 _Things could have been so much different. I could have been kissing cold hands if it weren't for the doctors. But her body was warm and that was all that mattered. I gently placed her arms next to her body, because to me, in her previous position, it felt as if they were displaying her like they did in funeral homes. I know that's not the way she would want me to see her._

 _Remember the entry where I told you I was in love with Emily? Well, I still haven actually told her, but two nights ago, something happened between us. We were in Paris where I handed her fake identities in order for her to hide from Doyle. Before I met her on the terrace, she came to my hotel room. She knocked softly and I opened the door. It looked as if she had been crying and I invited her in._

 _"I'm sorry, I wanted to get out of my hotel," she apologized and she carefully sat down on my bed, cringing as pain shot through her body. I closed the door behind her and walked towards the bed, carefully sitting down next to her. Her voice was barely louder than a whisper. "Secretly, I wish you could stay here."_

 _"Then I'll stay," I instantly said, bringing up my hand to gently rest on her back. She shook her head violently and was fighting back tears. "I'll make up an excuse for Will and the team and I'll stay with you in Paris. I'll keep you safe."_

 _"No, JJ, you need to be with them. I might wish you could stay, but I would never actually ask you to do that," she explained, turning her head to look at me. My hand started rubbing circles on her back. "Especially because I wouldn't be able to keep you safe. Not like this."_

 _With 'this', she meant the still healing wound between her ribs. I swallowed and took a leap of faith, pulling her close to me in a hug, trying not to hurt her. Her arms moved around my waist and we sat there for a couple of minutes. "Just try and be safe. I nearly lost you last week and I don't think I could handle losing you permanently."_

 _Her response was a gentle squeeze to my waist before she lifted her head from my shoulder. She pulled back, but I didn't let her go. I didn't want to let her go, not yet. She looked me in the eye and that's when I saw it. In those beautiful chocolate brown eyes, I found nothing but love. Then, before I even realized it, our lips met. I don't know who initiated the kiss, but what I do know is neither of us pulled back._

 _The kiss was soft and loving and both of our eyes were closed as we deepened the kiss. She brought her hand up to cup my cheek and I threw my arms around her neck. Only when air became an issue did we break contact, but our foreheads rested against each other. "I'm scared," she admitted and that was one of those rare moments where I got to see the real Emily._

 _"Me too," I nodded, pulling back from her completely. I reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, keeping my hand in place at the base of her neck. "Come home soon."_

 _"I'll try," she promised with a smile. The smile was weak, but she did her best to assure me and that was all that mattered in that moment. With that, we both got up and she pulled me in for a hug one last time. "You should make an online scrabble account. I hear it's a fun game these days."_

 _A chuckle escaped my lips as we pulled apart and she walked to my hotel room door. She opened it and disappeared, leaving me in my room with a smile on my face. Neither of us said farewell because it really wasn't farewell. Saying farewell means never seeing that person ever again. That isn't going to happen. Everything is going to settle down, we're going to catch that son of a bitch and she will return to the team._

 _Hopefully, when she returns, we can discuss what happened in my hotel room. I've had these feelings for her for a few years now and I'm certain they're never going away. Judging from that kiss, I'm pretty sure she feels the same way. As for right now, I have forgiven her for going after Doyle herself. All I want is for her to be safe and alive. Everything else…we'll figure out when she comes back._

 _Be safe, Emily._

 _I love you._

 _Love, Jennifer_

Tears were running down Emily's cheeks as she closed the book. She had always known faking her death caused pain to many people, but it needed to be done to keep her own team safe. With a shaky breath, she got up from the couch and walked towards the kitchen sink to splash some cold water in her face. She knew she shouldn't be reading that book, but the damn thing was so freaking interesting.

A growl from her stomach pulled her out of her thoughts and she looked at the clock. It was nearing noon, but she really didn't feel like cooking. Pulling open the drawer to her left, she took out a small piece of paper from a pizzeria not too far from the house. Not knowing which pizza to pick, she closed her eyes and allowed her finger to randomly fall on a name on the piece of paper. "Pepperoni it is," she said to herself as she took out her phone and made the call.

She had to wait about twenty minutes before the pizza arrived so Emily decided it was about time to really start cleaning. She left her phone in the kitchen so she wouldn't be disturbed and refused to look at JJ's diary as she passed the living room so she wouldn't be tempted to pick it up again. Ascending the stairs, she stopped in the bedroom. She had already hung all the clean clothes back in the closet so now it was time to throw the dirty ones in the laundry.

With the washing machine starting its job, the master bedroom was as clean as it could be. Of course, she still had to vacuum and mop the floor, but that could wait until the weekend. She turned around and fetched a brush before walking towards the bathroom, knowing she made quite the mess there as well. As she opened the door, glass instantly cracked beneath her feet.

The large mirror above the sink was smashed into a million pieces and she looked at the still healing wounds on her hands. That week, everyone in the house had to use the bathroom downstairs because Emily had decided to go on a rampage. But who could blame her after what happened? Of course, she had to promise JJ to clean up, but that was easier said than done.

After fifteen minutes of cleaning the bathroom, the doorbell rang. She rushed down the stairs and carefully peered through the window to see the pizza courier standing on her porch. She quickly composed herself and opened the door with a big smile, fishing some money out of her pocket.

"Ma'am, this is way too much," the courier blurted out as he saw the amount of money in his hands.

"Keep it," Emily nodded before closing the door so the courier couldn't protest. Just as she closed the door, she heard the engine of a very familiar car turn into the street. She lowered herself to the floor with her back against the front door with the pizza sitting in her lap as the car came to a stop in front of their driveway. The engine didn't shut down, but she heard the door open.

The beeping sound of the gate indicated someone had entered the code and she knew Rossi was leaving the files on the windowsill right behind it. Suddenly, the doorbell rang and her heart started beating in her chest. He knew she was home and she knew he didn't expect her to open the door. It was just courtesy for him to be polite to want to check up on her.

After two minutes she heard the door of his car before the sound of his engine left the street. She closed her eyes and allowed the pizza box to slide to the floor. Taking a trembling deep breath, she covered her face with both her hands before continuing to run them through her hair. Then she slowly released the breath before grabbing the pizza box off the floor and making her way to the kitchen.

With just two slices in her stomach, she closed the box with force and tossed the rest in the trash. She was still hungry, but didn't really feel like eating anything more. As she opened the back door, she was met with a breeze of fresh air. She stood in the doorway for a few moments, letting the wind blow through her hair before walking around the corner to fetch the documents Rossi had left.

Once back inside, she opened the file and scanned the Arabic transcripts. After reading the first two sections of the document, she soon realized there was nothing to find. Even the most unexperienced translator would know that and now she was sure Rossi only wanted her to get her mind off things. She finished rather quickly and a deep laugh escaped her mouth. "Nice try, Rossi, nice try," she chuckled, closing the file to grab her Phone.

 **Nothing to find.**

It was a quick message sent to Rossi and she left her Phone near the file before heading back to the couch where she had left the diary. With a quick glance to the clock, she realised she still had about five hours before everyone would return home. Everything was cleaned up and the only job she still had to do was mop the floor. "Enough time for another entry," she smiled to herself as she made herself comfortable on the couch again with the book in her lap.

She opened the diary at the last entry she read just as her phone beeped with a message. She ignored it because it was probably Rossi with a reply and started flipping through the pages. Her hand stopped rather quickly as her eyes scanned the title.

 _Dear Rosaline; Emily Prentiss, my hero_

 _I know I haven't been writing to you lately, but I had my reasons. Something happened and I didn't feel like writing right after it did. I just couldn't. I will still have trouble writing this, but I also realise it must be done. These are things you can't keep inside because it will just eat you up and you'll break. Therefor, here I am._

 _Whenever the team asks me how I'm doing, my obvious answer is "I'm fine." Well, clearly I'm not. You know that. They don't need to know I still have nightmares everytime I try to get some sleep. They don't need to know I get up at night and silently sneak out to the garage to punch out all the anger against a punching bag I recently bought. They don't need to know my body is scarred. They certainly don't need to know Emily is the only reason things have begun to go better lately._

 _Every time I wake up at night, I call her. She picks up every time. It doesn't matter if it's day or night in London, she picks up the phone. Will just turns around in his sleep with a grumble and continues snoring. But I don't mind, because Emily is the one I want to talk to. She's the one who keeps me sane. She's the one who keeps me from falling apart._

 _You're probably wondering what happened to me. Well, here goes nothing._

 _A few weeks ago, I was kidnapped. I was kidnapped along with Cruz. To make a long story short, our kidnappers wanted to get some codes and we wouldn't give it to them. They really tortured us. They kicked me, they electrocuted me, they waterboarded me, trust me, it was a lot. Just when I wanted to give up, Emily Prentiss showed up on the doorstep along with Hotch and saved the day._

 _You wouldn't believe how happy I was to see her running over to me. I told her to go check on Cruz because I knew Hastings had ran off to the roof. I didn't want her to get hurt too so I snuck out to follow him. You know what she did? She followed me anyway. She could have gotten hurt and she followed me anyway. She even saved my life again. Hastings took me down with him when he fell off the building and Emily grabbed my arm just in the nick of time._

 _That's all I want to say about that part. I really don't want to discuss it any further. I just can't. I'll have flashbacks and I really don't want to relive those terrible moments, I'm sorry._

 _What I can tell you about though, is the talk I had with Emily afterwards. The whole team was going to meet for drinks in the bar, but me and Emily decided we were in need of a much needed talk. Not just about what happened, but about us too. (We hadn't even discussed the kiss we shared when we faked her death, how bad is that?) So we decided to meet before going to the bar. I drove up to her place and she opened it even before I had to knock._

 _"Hey," she smiled at me, stepping aside to let me in. I gave her a weak nod and walked towards the living room where I immediately sat down on the couch. She strolled over to me and sat down next to me, resting her arm across the armrest. "If you ever need to talk, I'll always be here."_

 _I took in a deep sigh and looked at her, my leg slightly touching hers. "I know," I whispered, throwing my arms across my waist as tears filled my eyes. The memories were getting the better of me. "I just.. I can't talk about it. Not yet."_

 _With a slight nod of her head, she quickly pulled me towards her in a hug. I desperately threw my arms around her neck and let my tears fall for the first time since it happened. We sat there for what felt like hours. She just allowed me to cry against her shoulder while she soothingly rubbed circles on my back. At some point, I pulled back and just kissed her square on the lips._

 _At first, she started kissing me back, but soon after that she pulled back so only our foreheads were touching. "We can't do this," she said against my lips, bringing up her hand to caress my cheeck. "Not after what you've been through, JJ."_

 _"This is all so confusing, Emily," I told her without pulling back. "Three years ago, we kissed but never discussed it. Here we are again, but you're pushing me away." I shook my head and took a deep breath. It was time to take a leap of faith. "I want to be with you, Emily. Not with Will, with_ you."

 _A soft laugh escaped her lips and I swear it's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. "I want to be with you too, Jennifer," she smiled, stroking her thumb against my cheeck. Then I noticed her smile fading and her eyes turning sad. "But we can't. You're here, I'm in London. It's never going to work."_

 _"Then come back," I pleaded, now pulling back to look into those beautiful chocolate brown orbs. "Come back, Em. We can be together."_

 _Her hand is still against my cheeck and her eyes are searching for something in mine. "If we were meeting under different circumstances, I would have said yes, but...you've been through something traumatic. I'm not going to take advantage of that. I can't do it."_

 _"Yes, you can," I pushed, taking her hand from my cheeck in my own before placing it on my heart. "This is yours. If there's anything good about my kidnapping, it's the fact that I realized it wasn't Will I was thinking of when they were torturing me. It was you. I was so afraid I would never get the chance to tell you how I feel. I love you, Emily, and nothing is going to change that."_

 _"I love you too," she whispered before bringing her lips to mine in a soft and caring kiss. "But we can't do this, you know we can't."_

 _I'm sorry, Rosaline, but I can't do this. I can't tell you anymore of what happened because it just hurts too much. Do you want to know a secret though? Do you want to know what hurts the most? It wasn't the fact that I was kidnapped or tortured, but it was the fact that Emily left again. We both knew we loved each other, that we could be with each other and she left! She left, Rosaline!_

 _What is she? A coward? Maybe, yeah. Or maybe I should have fought harder to get her to stay. Maybe I should have gotten down on my knees and really pleaded for her to stay. Or maybe she didn't love me enough to stay? Maybe she only said it to make me feel better? I don't know, sis, but I do know it freakin' hurt._

 _I have to go._

 _I love you._

 _Love, Jennifer_

As soon as she was done reading the entry, Emily carefully placed the book on the couch before suddenly jumping up and delivering a massive kick to the coffee table. It went flying across the room and the brunette just stood there, watching it as it landed upside down. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she realized how much she had hurt JJ back in those days.

She never intentionally meant to hurt JJ the way she did. Before they had finally gotten together, she had always believed Will was the best choice for the blonde. But now, after reading the entry, she could have hit her head against the wall for being so stupid. "We should have been together from the start, JJ," she whispered, sinking to her knees in the middle of the living room. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."

She sat there for a few minutes before her phone started ringing. Anger started boiling in her chest again and with a jolt, she got up from the couch and without even looking at the caller ID, she furiously snapped. "What?!"

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 **So what do you guys think? Who's on the phone? Next chapter, our three blonde's will return home. What do you think will happen?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you guys once again for the amazing reviews! I'm happy you guys are speculating what's going to happen! Also thank you for so many followers!**

 **Thank you, Gabby, for sticking with me on this story!**

 **I hope you guys will like this next update. Things might not turn out in the way you think.. Hope you like it anyway!**

 **As always, I don't own anything. Just using these characters for my story.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

 _"Memory... is the diary that we all carry about with us."_

 _\- Oscar Wilde_

The person on the other side of the line kept quiet, clearly surprised by Emily's tone of voice. The brunette was about to end the call in anger, but the mumbling of two people stopped her. Apparently they were contemplating how to respond to Emily's outburst. "Are you okay?" A young boy's voice eventually asked.

Emily's mouth dropped as she finally realised who the caller was. "Henry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to yell," she quickly apologized to the twelve year old. "How is your day today, buddy? Are you having fun at the zoo?"

"We saw big tigers!" another young voice shouted from the background, making Emily laugh.

"We are having fun," Henry endorsed with a smile at his younger brother. "Would you like to talk to-"

"Oh, no, don't worry about it," Emily quickly said, waving his question away. "I'll talk to her when you guys get home. I need to clean up, remember?"

As he was nodding his head, Henry quickly realised Emily wouldn't be able to see him. He cleared his throat and replied, "Yes, I do. Are you doing a good job?"

"I'm doing a great job, buddy," Emily answered, looking at her watch. "But I need to go now if I want to have everything finished by the time you guys get home. I only have about four hours left. So I'll see you when you get home, champ."

They all said their goodbyes and Emily hung up the phone. She immediately felt better after talking to the boys and she quickly scrolled to the forgotten text message she hadn't read yet. Once she confirmed the text message was indeed from Rossi to thank her for her time, she tossed the phone on the table again and went back to the journal. It was time for a much happier entry and she knew just what to look for.

 _Dear Rosaline; Every cloud has a silver lining_

 _Today was probably the best day of my entire life. Well, except for the birth of my two pretty boys of course. Although, it's also wrong of me to say that, because people did die today. That's kind of a downer on the whole story, but one good thing came from it. It brought Emily back to me._

 _She was following leads in London and those leads made her fly to New York and ask us for help. Of course, who were we to say no to that amazing woman? I was so excited to finally see her again! I might have been angry with her (as you were able to read last time), but as you know I can never stay mad at her for too long. She's been my lifeline ever since the Askari thing happened._

 _Anyways, we were working the case and while on the jet, she fell asleep. I was sitting across from her, watching her sleep peacefully until suddenly her expression changed. She was having a nightmare and I had to wake her up. I put my hand on her shoulder and called her name a few times until she finally opened those beautiful chocolate orbs. I knew she had been having these dreams during the case but this time, she said the dream was about me._

 _The pain in her expression was so genuine and I knew, I just knew she still loved me as much as I loved her._

 _Later that day, after the case was over and after we had a fun night out with the team, the both of us went out for a walk through the park. We were walking in a comfortable silence, just enjoying the surroundings and each other's presence until I heard her say the words, "I'm sorry."_

 _I turned to look at her and noticed a lone tear making its way down her cheek. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Em," I whispered, reaching out my hand to gently wipe the tear away with my thumb. She stopped in her tracks, took my hand, and lead me to the nearest bench. As we sat down, she took both my hands in hers and rested them in her lap. "Emily?"_

 _"I'm sorry because I've been so busy trying to make you happy that I didn't realise I was actually hurting you. I'm sorry for pushing you towards Will when it was actually_ me _you wanted to be with." Her tears were falling harder now, but she wouldn't let go of my hand to wipe them away. "I'm sorry for hurting you all those times I left."_

 _"Emily..." I tried to interrupt, but she shook her head._

 _"No, Jennifer, please let me finish," she said and the use of my full name indicated just how important this all was for her, so I let her continue with a nod of my head. "I kept leaving because if I were to stay, that meant things would get serious and when things get serious, I run. I run because I never really did serious before. It's not because I was scared of getting hurt, it was because I was scared of hurting you. I never realised I was hurting you by leaving too. I don't want to run anymore, Jennifer."_

 _I swallowed the lump in my throat and ran my thumbs over her knuckles as my heart pounded in my chest. "What are you saying, Emily?"_

 _"I'm saying that I want to stay. Here. With you," she explained, bringing my hands up to her lips for a soft kiss. "I know I'm probably too late, but if you'll still have me..."_

 _Before she could finish her sentence, I freed my hands, leaped forward and threw my arms around her neck while planting my lips firmly on hers. Of course I wanted her to stay, that's all I ever wanted. To me, she could never be too late. "Stay," I whispered against her lips, kissing her softly every once in awhile._

 _I felt her arms curling around my waist as she pulled me impossibly closer. "I will," she whispered back, bringing one hand up to cup my cheek before kissing me again. The kiss deepened this time as she trailed her tongue over my lips and I gladly lent her access. Only when air became an issue did we pull apart, both out of breath. "We still need to sort some things out."_

 _"Yeah, Will is one of those things," I nodded, getting up from the bench and taking my hand in hers. We continued to walk, hand in hand this time. "It's going to be a tough conversation, but it's needed. I love him dearly, but he needs to hear the truth. I've been keeping him in the dark long enough."_

 _She squeezed my hand in reassurance. "And I need to go back to London." My head shot toward her. Had she changed her mind already? Before I could reply, however, she put a finger to my lips. "Don't worry, I'll be back. I just need a few days over there to sort everything out. My apartment, my job, ..."_

 _"Right." Letting out a relieved sigh, I stopped near a small pond and pulled her towards me, resting my arms around her neck once again. "You go do what you have to do and then come back to me. Hopefully I'll be getting divorced by then."_

 _The chuckle that escaped her lips was probably one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. She kissed me softly as her hands rested on my waist, her thumbs slowly ghosting over my hip bones. God, she had no idea what she was doing to me. "I'll be back soon, Jennifer. I promise."_

 _With one last kiss, we said our goodbyes and she left to catch a plane to London._

 _Now, today, my beautiful sister, today is the day she finally came home to me. I settled things with Will, who wasn't all that surprised, and she took care of things back in London. I had arranged an apartment for us and was waiting for her there. When I heard the knock on the door, I jumped from the couch and ran towards it as fast as I could. The door wasn't even open completely yet when I felt our bodies collide and her lips crashed into mine. We spent the rest of the day just cuddling and enjoying each other's company. Today is the first day of the rest of our lives together._

 _Love, Jennifer_

Emily was disturbed by the sound of her cellphone filling the house yet again. She followed the ringtone to the device on the table and carefully took a look at the caller ID this time. Her heart began pounding faster inside her chest as she realised who was calling her. "Hey, Tara, any news?" She immediately questioned, already knowing why the female agent was calling.

"They are transferring Michael Blackford today," Tara informed her, skipping all the greetings. The brunette swallowed the lump in her throat and closed her eyes at the information. Somewhere deep down, she started to regret telling Dr. Tara Lewis to keep her in the loop regarding the investigation. "There will be a cop assigned to ride with him in the back of the van and another police car will be driving behind it."

"That's not enough, Tara, I know you know that too," Emily stated, rubbing the bridge of her nose before opening her eyes. She felt the anger boil in the pit of her stomach. "We all know what he's capable of. One police officer and one extra police car won't stop him from trying to escape. He still has unfinished business."

"I know," the doctor sighed and Emily could hear the constant clicking of a pen, something she knew Tara did when she was frustrated. "I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't budge. They wanted to do it their way. The transfer will start in two hours." The information was followed by another, deeper, sigh. "Be careful, Emily. If he does escape, he'll come straight for you."

Emily was staring directly at a spot in front of her, determination filling her brown orbs. "If he does, then I will put a bullet through his head, just like it should have happened the first time."

CMCMCMCM

After the call with Tara, Emily continued to clean up the rest of the house. She put the coffee table back in place for the second time that day and mopped the floor, removing the last pieces of evidence from her rampage earlier that week.

With the house back as it should be, she let herself fall on the couch, exhausted from all the cleaning she had done. Her eyes fell on the book and she glanced at her watch. She still had a full hour left before anyone got home, so she decided that would be enough time to read one last entry before she would put the book back in place and pretend she never even knew it existed.

As she opened the diary, she flipped through it in search of a specific entry, hoping JJ would have written about it. A smile tugged at her lips as she read the title and she leaned back into the couch. Her fingers trailed over the written words as she felt her eyes tear up before she even read it. With an emotional breath, she started at the beginning of the entry.

 _Dear Rosaline; My fairytale wedding_

 _When she's okay, then I'm alright_

 _When she's away, I'm up all night_

 _Nothing really matters_

 _Nothing really matters_

 _Today was a special day. Today was the day I married the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world. Though, somewhere deep down, I'm a little sad. I'm sad because you couldn't be here as my maid of honor. That's why I'm going to tell you about the most important things that happened at the wedding because I don't want you to miss out on anything._

 _We started off at home with both of our families. Yes, even Emily's mother was there. We weren't quite fond of all the traditions such as not sleeping together before the big day or not being allowed to see each other. We picked each other's wedding dress so that wasn't even an option in the first place._

 _I see her face and in my mind_

 _I seize the day whenever she's nearby_

 _It's like nothing really matters, no_

 _Nothing really matters_

 _We did get our hair and makeup done in different rooms and when we walked into our living room together... Well, let me just tell you she was the most beautiful creature in the entire universe. Her raven hair was straightened and was hanging loosely around her face, just the way I like it. My hair was pulled up in a braid because I know she loves it when I wear my hair up._

 _She walked up to me and breathed "You look gorgeous," into my ear as she pulled me into a hug. I wanted to tell her that she was the gorgeous person, but honestly, I was at a loss for words. Tears filled my eyes as I rested my head on her shoulder, but I refused to let them fall. They could ruin my makeup! Instead, I pulled back and kissed her soft lips gently, careful not to mess up our lipstick. We were ready for our big day._

 _She completes me, how she reads me_

 _Right or wrong_

 _It's so clear she's all that I need_

 _All I need_

 _Let me spare you all the boring stuff at the ceremony and jump straight to the vows. Oh, how I know you would love to hear about the vows, Rosaline! The ceremony started off perfectly at the beach. I know it's cheesy, but it was just the way I liked it. The team had decorated a pergola for us in red and white flowers and tiny lights. Rose petals were scattered across the sand and every chair had its own red or white rose. They did an amazing job and it was just perfect to start the vows. This was what Emily wrote for me:_

 _" Jennifer-_

 _I've been intrigued by you from the start. The very first second I laid my eyes on you, I instantly knew I wanted to get to know you better. I watched you grow from media liaison to a strong profiler with one hell of a shot, who even saved my life more than once._

 _I know we didn't take the easy road to get to where we are, but what matters most is that we made it. We made it, Jennifer, and this is the start of the rest of our lives together. I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am to call you my wife. We're going to be one happy family. You, me and those two little blonde monsters over there._

 _I want to spend the rest of my life with you. For better or for worse. Whenever you find yourself standing outside in the rain, I will be your shelter. Whenever you find yourself lost, I will guide you the way. You're my soulmate and I will do everything in my power to treat you with the love and the respect you deserve. I love you, Jennifer, and I always will."_

 _I know what it feels like_

 _I know what it feels like_

 _Swimming through the stars when I see her_

 _And I don't need air 'cause I breathe her_

 _I'm getting tears in my eyes just writing her vows out! Trust me, I couldn't keep them in when she said it to me and she gently brushed them away with her thumbs. She's the most amazing woman in the world and I'm so proud that she's my wife! I'm guessing you want to read my vows too? Well, this is what I said:_

 _"Emily-_

 _You may seem like a tough woman, but deep down I know you're not. To the outside world, you wear this mask of badass FBI agent who doesn't like to be messed around with, but when we're alone, I get to see behind the mask. I get to see who you really are. A beautiful, smart, caring, compassionate woman. A woman I get to call my wife in just mere minutes._

 _The road hasn't been easy, but I'm glad we made it. It was you all along. You're the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and now I have that chance. I will take that chance with both hands and never let it go. I know you're scared of getting hurt, but right now, you're giving me your heart. I will lock that heart away close to me and guard it with my life._

 _You are my lifeline and I won't let anything happen to you. Even if it means taking a bullet for you. I finally got you and I don't want to lose you ever again. We're going to be a family. I love you, Emily, and I always will."_

 _I know what it feels like_

 _I know what it feels like_

 _I breathe her, I breathe her_

 _Everytime I see her, everytime I see her_

 _After the vows, we officially became Mrs. and Mrs. Prentiss-Jareau and boy, did we kiss. At some point, I swear I heard someone say "Get a room!" and I'm pretty sure that was Derek Morgan. We both decided to keep our own last name, just to avoid confusion in the field when we're working. I can't believe I finally have that ring around my finger. I'm never ever taking it off. So sad you weren't there to witness it all. I really missed you out there, sis._

 _After the ceremony, we went to the buffet. It took place on the same beach. (Everything took place on that beach by the way) We had many different kinds of food. Chicken, salmon, steak- everyone could find something they liked. We also had this massive cake, (which was Garcia's idea by the way, not ours) with fake bullet holes in it to represent our work. Of course, it made everyone laugh, but the whole point was to have fun._

 _After the desert it was time for our first dance. I already gave hints as to what the song was in my entry and you have probably already guessed it by now. It was Nothing Really Matters by Mr. Propz. She pulled me out on the dance floor and wrapped her arms around my waist while mine made their way around her shoulders. She held me close as we slowly swayed to the music._

 _When I'm lost and need a sign_

 _She leads the way and I'll be fine_

 _Nothing really matters_

 _Nothing really matters_

 _She completes me, how she reads me_

 _Right or wrong_

 _It's so clear she's all that I need_

 _All I need_

 _I know what it feels like_

 _I know what it feels like_

 _I breathe her, I breathe her_

 _Everytime I see her, everytime I see her_

 _I'm absolutely going to love that song for the rest of my life! After our dance, we kept partying until 2 am. Everyone slowly began to go home and we were the last ones to leave. We had hired a cabin near the beach, with a view on the ocean, so we didn't have to drive all the way home. Yes, Rosaline, she did pick me up and carried me across the threshold bridal style. That's the one tradition she really wanted to do and I certainly didn't mind._

 _We both know what happened after that and no, you are not getting all the dirty details! So get your mind out of the gutter! Let's just say there was a lot of touching, kissing and licking ..._

 _Right now, that beautiful woman is laying beside me in a peaceful slumber. I swear to God, she's so beautiful! I couldn't sleep because I'm just too happy right now and I couldn't wait to tell you all about it. I hid my diary in a side compartment of my suitcase (which we brought with us before the wedding) so she wouldn't find it. I'm trying really hard now not to wake her up because she's a light sleeper. One wrong move and she's wide awake. Although I wouldn't really mind her finding out about me keeping a diary._

 _So, Emily, my love, if you ever find this diary and you can't stop yourself from reading it, I won't be mad. I know how hard it is not to read something like this when you find it. I'd probably even do it myself too so I promise you I won't be mad. In fact, there will be a surprise waiting for you behind it. There will be a tiny red box in the corner of the shelf. You'll know when you see it._

 _I'm going to bed now because it's nearing 5 am and we're leaving for our honeymoon tomorrow. Well, technically today. (We're going to the Bahamas!) This is probably my longest entry, but I didn't want you to miss out on anything, Rosaline. I hope you enjoyed it from up there. I know you're always with me._

 _Goodnight, Rosaline._

 _Goodnight, Emily._

 _I love you both to death._

 _Love, Jennifer_

Emily had only just finished the entry as she jolted up and sprinted towards the bedroom. She tossed the diary on the bed and pulled a chair to the closet. As she stood on the chair, she spotted the tiny red box JJ had talked about in her diary. Reaching out, she took the box and jumped off the chair to sit on the bed. Her heart was racing inside her chest as she opened it and a small gasp escaped her lips.

Inside the box was a beautiful necklace. It was silver and the pendant had a 'J' and an 'E' which were fused together. At the bottom of the box, she found a short note and took it out to open it, finding three beautiful words: "I love you".

The brunette gripped the necklace tightly and tucked the diary under her arm before rushing down the stairs. She quickly ran into the kitchen to grab her keys before heading to the front of the house. In all her haste, she nearly bumped into the three blondes who were just entering through the front door. The eldest blonde was about to open her mouth to object, but Emily beat her to it. "I'm sorry, Garcia, but can you watch the boys a few more hours? I need to go talk to JJ."

Before the technical analyst could object, Emily was already in her car and starting the engine. Garcia noticed the distress on the brunette's face and felt sorry for what she was going through. No one deserved to go through something like this. An idea popped into her head and she urged the two boys further into the house and told them to wait in the kitchen before fishing her phone out of her pocket. She dialed an all too familiar number. "Hey, I need your help."

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 **What do you think? Not what you expected at all? Reviews are greatly appreciated! They keep the mind going :-)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait! I really want to thank Lillyeve for taking over the beta reading for this story! I really appreciate it!**

 **Here is the long awaited chapter! It's an entire flashback to the events prior to Emily finding the diary! Hope you guys like it!**

 **I don't own anything!**

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

 _"You were my strenght when I was weak_

 _You were my voice when I couldn't speak_

 _You were my eyes when I couldn't see_

 _You saw the best there was in me_

 _Lifted me up when I couldn't reach_

 _You gave me faith 'cause you believed_

 _I'm everything I am_

 _Because you loved me"_

 _\- Celine Dion_

ONE WEEK EARLIER

Two female agents knocked on the front door of a normal family house, patiently waiting until someone would open it to let them in. It didn't take long before they heard footsteps approaching and a tall, caucasian man opened the door.

"Michael Blackford? I'm agent Prentiss and this is agent Jareau, we're with the FBI. Can we ask you a few questions? Emily asked as she opened her badge.

Michael studied their badges for a short moment before stepping aside to let the two agents in.

"Of course," he smiled, stretching out his arm to the living room. "Please, come in and call me Mike. Can I get you anything to drink? Some soda, tea, a glass of good scotch perhaps?"

"No, thank you, we're on the job," JJ kindly rejected, taking a seat next to Emily on the couch while Michael took a chair opposite of them.

The two women shared a silent look. One of the benefits of being able to read each other's eyes, was the fact they only needed one look to communicate with each other. Either this man was just as kind as he appeared to be, or he was hiding something. JJ took four pictures of driver's licences out of her pocket and displayed them on the coffee table.

"Do you recognize any of these women?"

The man leaned closer to the table and took a good look at all four pictures. He squinted his eyes before pointing out two of the woman.

"I remember seeing those two at my bar in the mall. They both drank a latte. I think the first one came last week and the second one I saw yesterday,"

"We believe all four victims visited your bar in the last few weeks," Emily explained, gathering all the pictures off the table and tucking them away in JJ's vest. "Have you seen anything out of the ordinary? Maybe a man who was following them?"

"I can't say I did. They came in, drank their coffee and went on with their everyday life. I'm sorry I couldn't be more of assistance," he replied with a shake of his head.

He cleared his throat as the two agents got to their feet before leading them towards the front door and opening it to let them out. "I hope you find whoever was behind these abductions of those lovely ladies. I can't imagine what it would be like to be abducted with a taser."

"We'll do our best," Emily nodded, shaking his hand before taking out her car keys. "Thank you for your help anyway."

After JJ shook Michael's hand also, the two agents turned around and walked towards their car.

"Do you really believe he didn't see anything?" JJ questioned as she got in the passenger's seat and fastened her seatbelt. "I mean, he does work in the mall where all four victims were abducted from. They all drank coffee in his bar, security cameras can prove it. Is there something we're missing or does he really not remember them?"

"I don't think so," Emily said with a shake of her head.

She started the car to drive back to the precinct. "I mean, he seemed genuinely concerned about these abductions. Also, if he was our unsub, he would have taken an interest in me because I fit his victimology. He wouldn't have been able to resist staring at me, but he didn't. Maybe we should have Garcia dig more into his background, just to cover our bases, but I don't think she's going to find anything."

"Are you okay?" JJ suddenly asked, reaching out to rest a hand on Emily's brunette just shrugged and let out a sigh. "I know all these victims look a lot like you, but I won't let anything happen to you. I promise,"

"I know, Jennifer, I do, it's just... I really wish we had a solid lead to find that last missing woman before she turns up dead," Emily gave JJ a weak smile, showing she wasn't entirely comfortable with the whole case.

She only let JJ see how vulnerable she really felt. Once back with the team, her mask would fall in place and she'd be the strong agent Prentiss again. "I love you, you know that right?"

"Baby, don't talk as if this is our last case together," JJ answered with a laugh, squeezing the brunette's thigh slightly. "We're going to find a lead sooner or later, he's not going to come after you. We'll have many more cases to solve after this one,"

She trailed her hand up Emily's body to gently tuck a strand of hair behind the brunette's ear before letting her hand fall back in her lap. "Although, I must say I have a weird feeling about this case,"

CMCMCMCM

As they walked into the precinct, the whole team was already waiting for them in the conference room.

"How did it go?" Rossi instantly questioned, pulling back two chairs for the two women to sit down. "Did you get any wiser by talking to Michael Blackford?"

"Not really," Emily answered, leaning her elbows on the table. "He also didn't take interest in me and I fit his victimology perfectly. If he was our unsub, he wouldn't have been able to keep his eyes off me. He seemed genuinely concerned about the abductions,"

"Or he wants you to think he is," Alvez chimed in, taking his pen off the table to write a few notes on his notepad. "Okay, what do we know so far? He abducts his victims using a taser, he keeps them for three days and then kills them with a .22 kaliber shot to the chest. Then he dumps them near the side of the road as if they were garbage,"

"Garcia," JJ stated, ignoring Alvez for a minute because she was still with her head at Michael Blackford's house. She turned to the large monitor where the technical analyst had been patiently waiting for orders. "Can you run a background check on Michael Blackford just to be sure? I can't help it, but I still have a weird feeling about him,"

The blonde analyst nodded violently, happy to be finally given something to do. "I'll hit you back in a jiffy!"

JJ's question earned a giant laugh from Sammy Doles, the kind, chubby, lead inspector on the case. He had been standing in the far corner of the conference room, silently watching the team while they worked.

"Oh please," he laughed, his long necklace bouncing up and down along with his belly. "Mike couldn't even hurt a fly even if he wanted to,"

"You might think so," Tara answered, leaning back in her chair to get a better look at the officer. "But we still like to cover our bases. Sometimes, someone just isn't who we think they are,"

"And that applies to Michael Blackford," Garcia jumped in, showing his picture on the monitor. "He might be a good housefather, but boy does he have a troublesome past. His father used to beat the crap out of him every time he didn't listen. His mother was high on drugs and alcohol all the time and died when he was twelve, leaving him only with his abusive father,"

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit," Emily mumbled as she frantically jumped up and started looking for a newspaper. "Where is it? damn it!" Her voice was slightly raised with anger, but mostly it was pure frustration. She searched through the entire room and was about to rush out the door before she felt a strong grip on both her arms, holding her back.

"Emily, look at me," JJ softly demanded, turning her around to face her and giving a soft squeeze in the arms she was holding. The brunette visibly calmed down, but JJ kept her hands in place. "What are you looking for? What are you thinking about?

"We made a mistake, JJ. I screwed up." A deep sigh left her lips, covering the blonde's hands with her own. "Michael told us he wouldn't know what it's like to be abducted with a taser," she explained, taking a quick glance around the team before allowing her eyes to settle on blue ones again. "We never told the press he used a taser. How the hell would he know that except if..."

"He's our unsub," the younger agent finished for her, squeezing Emily's arms again before releasing her. "We need to go."

Garcia jumped into action. They already had his home adress, but she sent his work adress to their phones as well, just to be safe. Rossi, who saw their unit chief was still preocupied with blaming herself for the mistake, took the lead. "Reid, Tara, you're with me. We're going to his work adress. Alvez, JJ, Emily, take his home adress,"

A few minutes later, they were sitting in the car and JJ had decided to ride in the back with Emily. The unit chief was still beating herself up for not realising it sooner. "He was too ordinary, Emily; It wasn't in the profile. You couldn't have known. I didn't realise it either, it's both our mistake," She reached out a hand to rest on the brunette's thigh and gave a gentle squeeze in reassurance. "We're going to catch him now,"

"What if we're too late?" Emily retorted, turning her head to look out the window. "What if that woman is dead because I didn't realise this sooner? It's not your fault either; Jennifer. I'm the unit chief, I should notice these things,"

"His car's in the driveway," Alvez observed, pulling both female agents' attention towards Michael Blackford's house. "He probably never left after you guys came back, which means he likely kept the woman in the basement the entire time,"

He didn't mean for it to sound like an accusation, but Emily certainly took it that way. "Shut up, Alvez," she growled as she got out of the car, her gun already drawn. "You can take the first floor and JJ, you take the basement. I'll quickly clear the ground floor and join you," The orders were firmly given as the two remaining agents drew their gun.

In one swift motion, Alvez kicked in the heavy front door and announced himself as FBI before ascending the stairs. "Clear!" he shouted at the top before continuing to clear the rest of the rooms while Emily and JJ were already moving further into the house.

Emily went to clear the ground floor while JJ halted in front of the door she presumed led to the basement. She took a deep breath as she kicked it open and announced herself before desscending the stairs carefully. As she reached the bottom, she instantly saw a figure sitting on a chair in the far corner of the room. Slowly, but surely, she moved closer and once she realised it was the missing woman, her step turned into a little jog.

She holstered her gun before removing the tape from the woman's mouth. "Elisabeth, my name is agent Jareau, you're safe now," she said as she crouched down to untie the frightened woman's hands and feet.

Suddenly, Elisabeth reached for JJ's gun as soon as she was untied, catching the young agent by surprise. JJ quickly held up her hands in a defensive manner and stared into the barrel of her own gun. "Elisabeth..."

Feet pounding down the stairs made her glance backwards, only to see Emily jogging down the stairs and calling for backup in her earpiece. "Elisabeth," she started, her gun pointed at the brunette woman. She could see the fear in her eyes and knew she wasn't thinking rationally. "Put down the gun, we're the good guys here,"

The unit chief had just finished her sentence as she was struck with such force it caused her to fall on the ground, her gun sliding to the far corner of the basement. She faintly heard a woman's scream and knew it was JJ. A heavy weight held her down and she felt movement at her back. Her head was pounding hard, but she forced herself to get to her feet and as she opened her eyes, she was staring into the green ones belonging to Michael Blackford, who was aiming a gun right at her chest.

Now both agents were cornered by unsub and victim. Neither of them had expected this turn in events. They shared a look and knew they were in big trouble. Emily could go for her gun, but Michael would shoot her even if she would only move one inch. JJ was still held in place by the victim, but she decided to try and get her to lower the gun.

"Elisabeth, I need you to lower the gun. We're the good guys. Michael over there is the one who abducted you. We're here to save you."

Elisabeth violently shook her head as the gun trembled in her hand. The unit chief held her breath as she knew the woman had never touched a gun before and she was scared she'd accidentally pul the trigger. They were both wearing vests, but at this short distance, it was no guarantee they would hold the bullet.

"She won't listen," Michael laughed, waving his gun between the two agents as if he didn't know who to pick. "Who would have thought she'd help me kill you two?" his gun landed on Emily. "I always preferred brunettes."

As soon as JJ realised Michael was going to pull the trigger, she didn't think anymore. In a split second, she jumped into Emily's arms, hugging her close to her body just as two shots rung out. It felt as if Emily's heart was being pulled out of her chest as she felt JJ's body go limp and her knees buckled. She gently guided the blonde to the floor while tears were already falling down her cheeks. She faintly heard Alvez call for the paramedics and sat on her knees to put pressure on JJ's wound, who was losing a lot of blood.

"Stay with me baby, stay with me," she whispered as she continued to cry.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Alvez leading Michael out the door with a bleeding arm. Because Michael was so tall, the bullet had hit JJ just above her vest. Blood was flooding out of her neck. "Stay awake. I need you to stay awake."

JJ weakly brough her hand up to grip Emily's. "Emily..." she whispered, her voice cracking. "I.." she had trouble getting out words. "Love.." her eyes fluttered closed, but she fought to open them again. "You,"

"No, don't you say that, don't you dare leave me," Emily cried, cradling JJ's head in her lap as she tried to stop the bleeding. "You are not dying on me, do you hear me?"

Alvez came back down the stairs, the paramedics hot on his heels. "Blackford was constantly saying he'd come back for you," he informed the unit chief, but Emily wasn't listening. She was too busy waving the paramedics over and quickly stepped aside, knowing it was best to let them do their work.

As soon as she laid eyes on Alvez, she felt anger boiling inside of her. She jumped toward him and gripped his collar with both hands, pushing him up against the wall.

"Where the hell were you? I called for back up! What took you so long?! You should have shot him in his freaking head instead of his arm!"

"I thought I was the first to shoot, but he beat me by a second," the hispanic agent explained, already beating himself up over his bad decision.

He covered Emily's hands with his own. "I found his girlfriend wrapped in plastic and stuffed in the closet in his bedroom. I had to call it in. I came as fast as I could." He gently took Emily's hands off his chest and cradled them in his own. "Go to the hospital with her. You need to get checked out too,"

All Emily could do was nod while Alvez turned to Elisabeth, who was curled up in a ball in the corner of the basement, observing everything that was going on around her. The unit chief brought her hand up to her head and felt wetness seeping through her hair. As she looked around, she noticed an iron pipe with blood on it and finally knew what had hit her.

"Ma'am," one of the paramedics said, pulling her out of her thoughts. "You can ride in the front. Agent Jareau's condition is too critical to let you ride in the back. We need to be able to act as fast as we can,"

A deep, trembling breath left the brunette's lips as she saw the blood on JJ's chest. The bullet had hit her from behind and left high through her chest. As she looked down at her own body, she noticed the bullet was lodged in her vest, right across her heart.

Jennifer Jareau had taken a bullet for her.

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It was quiet in the waiting room of the hospital. Tara and Garcia were silently sipping a coffee, which had gone cold already but they didn't seem to notice. Alvez and Rossi were pacing back and forth and Reid was staring blankly ahead of him. Emily was checked out by a doctor and was now standing in front of the sliding doors they had pushed JJ through and where they had told her she was no long allowed to folllow. She was staring into the empty hallway and her heart stopped a baet every single time a doctor or nurse walked through the hall.

They had been waiting for nearly four hours until finally a doctor emerged from the surgery room and walked into their direction.

"I assume you are here for Miss. Jareau?" He questioned, glancing at every single team member until his eyes stopped on Emily. "We transferred her to a room. Only direct family is allowed. I will explain everything when we get there,"

"I'm her wife," Emily instantly replied before finally taking a breath, something she seemed to have forgotten whilst listening to the doctor. He motioned for her to follow through another door that led to the intensive care unit. Her heart was beating faster with every step she took toward her wife.

"This is never good," Rossi sighed as Garcia already had tears in her eyes. Tara looked at him in surprise and urged him to further explain. "I think Emily needs to brace herself for bad news. Otherwise, he wouldn't have a problem with telling her condition to the entire team," This earned gasps from all his collegues.

Doctor Kumar, as his nametag said, paused in front of a glass door and Emily could see her wife laying in a hospital bed. There were wires attached everywhere to her body. Her chest was going up and down in a steady rhythm and she seemed to be sleeping peacefully. As the doctor opened the door for her to go in, she rushed to the bed and took a hold of a warm hand. She stroked the knuckles with her thumb as tears made their way down her cheeks. "I'm right here, baby,"

The doctor overheard her whisper and swallowed hard. He had hever been keen on delivering bad news, but it needed to be done. "Ma'am, why don't you take a seat?"

His suggestion made Emily whip her head in his direction, fear spread across her eyes. "Why? What's wrong?" She refused to sit down and took a tighter hold on her wife's hand. "She's going to be fine. She has to be."

Letting out a soft sigh, doctor Kumar realised Emily wasn't going to sit down to receive the news. "We managed to repair some of the damage," he started, folding his arms across his chest. "However, she coded two times during sugery and now she has slipped into a coma,"

Emily laid her hand on her wife's chest. JJ was breathing.

"She has to wake up on her own. If she doesn't..." Dr. Kumar's voice trailed off as he took a few steps closer to the bed. "Even if she does wake up, she'll be paralized from the waist down and we can't tell for sure she'll ever walk again. Also the use of her arms and hands will be very weak,"

Emily pushed two fingers against her wife's wrist. JJ had a heartbeat.

"Of course my hopes are she wakes up, but the odds are against her. The bullet did some serious damage in her neck and hit a few nerves. Like I said, we managed to repair most of them, but we'll never know the true extent of her injuries until she wakes up,"

"What are her chances?" Emily questioned, lifting JJ's hand up to press a gentle kiss against her knuckles. She glanced at the doctor before her eyes settled on JJ again.

The doctor saw the hope in the Unit chief's eyes and sighed. The odds weren't in her favor. "I'd say 10, maybe 20%,"

Tears filled Emily's eyes as she bit her bottom lip. She violently shook her head and had a hard time keeping her tears inside. "It has to be more,"

Her voice trembled as she spoke while anger filled her body. She gritted her teeth as she thought back to the basement. Things weren't supposed to be this way. JJ should have been fine, but she isn't. Michael should have been dead, but he isn't. Alvez should have been there sooner, but he wasn't.

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"I can only allow one visitor at a time," the doctor stated after explaining JJ's condition to the team. Rossi was about to open his mouth to speak, but his words never left his lips as he saw Emily approaching out of the corner of his eye.

The technical analyst moved to wrap her arms around the brunette, but was held back by Emily pushing a hand against her chest. "I need to get out of here, Garcia," she whispered, before turning to Rossi. She removed her gun and badge from her hip and handed them to the seasoned agent. "Consider this my resignation,"

"Emily..."

"Garcia," Emily started, turning to the technical analyst once again. She took both hands of the blonde in hers and looked her in the eye. "I need you to go to JJ. I need you to hold her hand until I get back. I don't want her to be alone,"

All Garcia could do was nod in agreement before the unit chief turned around and left without saying further goodbye. No one wanted to hold her back. They were all friends with JJ, but the blonde was Emily's best friend, her wife, her soulmate. They would be there for their unit chief. Rossi tucked her badge and gun away safely in his bag. He wasn't going to make her resignation official. He had hope JJ would wake up and Emily would return to the BAU. They all had to have hope, if they didn't have hope, they wouldn't be able to keep it together.

Once back home, Emily was relieved that the boys were with her mother. She opened the door with such force it nearly slammed back into her body. She ran into the living room, delivering an angry kick to the coffee table. Magazines flew threw the air, along with the table itself. It didn't take long for her to reach the stairs, ascending it two steps at a time. She made it to the bedroom and started throwing pieces of clothing out the closet, purely out of frustration. She couldn't hold back the tears. One of the shirts took down JJ's necklaces before the shoes started to fly.

It took a few minutes for her to calm herself down and as she walked into the bathroom, she leaned her hands on the sink and looked in the mirror. Guilt washed over her. JJ had taken a bullet for her. She should be the one lying in the hospital bed and not her wife. Anger flooded through her body again and she couldn't look at herself any longer. Making a fist with both hands, she slammed them against the mirror, shattering it into a million pieces. Then she leaned her back against the wall as she sobbed, sliding to the floor before pulling her knees up to her chest. She didn't even feel the glass that stung in her palms. The pain didn't matter anymore.

Nothing mattered anymore as long as JJ wasn't awake.

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 **Let me know what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Here's the next chapter! I hope you guys like it! Thank you to my beta reader, you're amazing!**

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 **Chapter 5**

 _"It is impossible to suffer without making someone pay for it; every complaint already contains revenge"_

 _\- Friedrich Nietzsche_

Emily's heels echoed in the hallway as she made her way to JJ's room. The diary was tucked safely under her arm and her hand was still gripping the newly found necklace. As she slowly opened the door, Spencer Reid looked up from his position near the side of JJ's bed. JJ had been transferred to another room where she was allowed to have two visitors at a time. The team had decided to take turns so there was always someone at JJ's side while Emily was at home to take care of the kids. Will had waved all his rights when he divorced JJ so Emily had become their legal gardian if anything were to happen to the blonde.

She gave Reid a warm smile as she placed to book on the small table in the corner of the room. "How is she?" she questioned hopeful. She pocketet the necklace and moved to stand next to the genius to rest a hand on his shoulder.

"No change," Reid replied sadly as he got up from his chair to make room for Emily. "But we keep hoping."

"It's been a week, Reid," Emily whispered softly, sliding the chair closer to the bed before taking a seat. She carefully lifted JJ's hand in her own and pressed her lips to the blonde's knuckles. "She should have been awake two days ago. If she doesn't wake up..."

Reid rested both his hands on Emily's shoulders, a rare sign of affection for the doctor. He gave a gentle squeeze while watching JJ's face for any sign she'd be waking up soon. "Don't think like that. She's strong, she'll wake up."

Emily reached up and covered Reid's hand with her own, smiling to herself that he was this sympathetic. After all, JJ was his best friend. "I know, Spencer, but it's just... I don't know. I guess I was hoping she'd only be in a coma for a day. I never imagined it would take this long. What if she's going to have permanent damage?"

The doctor bent his knees so that he was now crouching down next to Emily. He looked up to her and locked eyes. "Would you leave her if she did?"

"God no!" Emily was quick to reply with a violent shake from her head. She lifted JJ's hand to press another kiss to her knuckles. "I'd never leave her."

With a satisfied smile, Reid got back to his feet. "Then there's no problem," he nodded, giving Emily's shoulders one last squeeze before pulling back. He turned around to retrieve his jacket from the other chair and slipped it on. "If there's anything you need, just call me, okay?"

"Thanks." Emily gave him one last smile before he dissapeared out of the door. Then she turned back to her wife. She still looked as if she was in a peaceful sleep and her chest was going up and down in a steady rhythm. A knot formed in Emily's chest. She was still feeling guilty, thinking she should be the one in the bed and not JJ. She rose to her feet to brush a stand of golden hair to the side and allowed her finger to trail down JJ's jaw. Then she leaned down to softly press her lips against her wife's in a quick kiss before sitting back down. "Hey beautiful."

With a quick glance over her shoulder, she remembered what she came here to do. She rushed over to the table to take the book and sat down next to the bed, carefully laying the diary on JJ's lap. "Garcia took the boys out to the zoo to take their minds off things and I cleaned up the house like I promised," she told the blonde before tapping the book. "I found this." She fished the necklace from her pocket. "And this."

She took a deep breath before taking off her own necklace and hanging it on the side of the bed. JJ had always loved the 'E' shaped necklace so she wanted to give it to her, but she knew the blonde wasn't allowed to wear any jewelry while in this state. Next she put the new necklace around her own neck and held the pendant between her fingers. "It's beautiful, baby. You should open your eyes so you can see for yourself."

No reaction came from the younger agent and Emily swallowed deeply. She moved to sit on the side of the bed so she could take both of JJ's hands in hers. "I know you can hear me," she whispered, a small smile playing on her features. "I know you don't want to leave us yet. I need you to open your eyes baby. I need you to come back to us. To the boys. To me."

"I'm positive she'll open her eyes soon," a voice said behind her, making her jump off the bed. She turned around to face the person at the door and couldn't believe her eyes. A tall dark man stood in front of her, wearing a big, yet sad, smile on his face. "It's good to see you Princess, even considering the circomstances."

"Morgan!" Emily yelled, rushing around the bed to jump into his strong arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck as they hugged. "I thought you and Savannah moved out of Virginia?"

Morgan released his hold on Emily and nodded towards the bed. "How can I stay away after what's happened?"

Suddenly being pulled back to reality, Emily turned around to face JJ, her eyes watering up with tears. "It's all my fault, Morgan. It should be me in there. I know Alvez came as fast as he could but JJ shouldn't be... She shouldn't.."

She felt a strong arm around her shoulders as Morgan guided her back to the chair next to JJ's bed. "It's not your fault, Emily. If it's anyone's fault, it's Michael Blackford's."

Emily took place on JJ's bed, careful not to disconnect any wires while Morgan took the chair. "It's unfair, Morgan," she sighed, tracing her finger down JJ's arm. "She doesn't deserve it. She took that bullet for me. It should be _me."_

Morgan took a deep breath and rested his hand on Emily's knee. "You didn't push her into taking that bullet for you. She did it because she wanted to. She loves you."

The unit chief opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by her phone ringing. Her heart began to beat faster as she noticed the name on the caller ID. Somewhere deep down, she had a bad feeling about this. Her finger pressed accept and she held the phone to her ear. "Hey Tara, what's going on?"

"Michael Blackford escaped."

Emily's heart sank to her shoes as all the color drained from her face. Morgan instantly knew it was bad news as the brunette slowly slipped off the bed and started pacing through the room. "What?" she questioned, not really knowing if she heard it correctly.

"He escaped," Tara repeated, her voice full of anger. "He overpowered the police officer who was riding with him. Then he took his gun and shot everyone else. It's bad, Emily. They don't know where he went."

Without another word, Emily shut off the call and turned towards Morgan. "You stay here," she instruced angrily, pointing to her wife. "You are her protective detail from now on and I swear to God if anything happens to her..."

Her voice trailed off, but Morgan already knew what was going on. He wanted to tell her to stay calm, to think about it first, but he never got the chance because she was already running down the hall.

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Back at the Prentiss-Jareau residence, Garcia had just gotten the two boys in bed. She walked through the house and was satisfied Emily had kept her word about cleaning up. If JJ were to wake up, she wouldn't want to come back home to a place which had been ravaged. She passed the upstairs bathroom on her way back downstairs and made a mental note to herself to get the two women a new mirror.

Her hand was sliding over the wooden banister of the staircase as she descended the stairs. A loud banging noise made her stop dead in her tracks. If it were Emily at the door, she would have used a key. Would it be a neighbour? A friend? An enemy perhaps? Another knock echoed through the house, this time followed by a voice. "Garcia! I know you are in there! It's me, Spencer Reid! We've got big trouble!"

Hearing that genius voice, Garcia's smile grew wide. She rushed down the last few steps and opened the door wide, stepping aside to let Reid in. Her big smile faltered as soon as she replayed Reid's last words in her head. All of a sudden, her happiness was replaced by seriousness. "You said we got trouble?"

As if on cue, a thriller ringtone filled the room. Garcia's mouth dropped. That ringtone meant big trouble. As soon as she accepted the call, Rossi's voice filled her ear. "Penelope, do you have your computer? I want you to check out any properties Michael Blackford might have where he can hide," he instructed calmly while the technical analyst was already rushing towards her computer.

"I'll hit you back the minute I find something sir!" Without waiting for Rossi to reply, Garcia tossed the phone to Reid. "You guard that! If anyone calls, I want you to pick up on the first ring!"

The doctor watched as Garcia worked, still blown away by how fast she was with her laptop. She didn't find any other property than the house they bursted into and was slightly dissapointed while her cell phone rang once again. As he was told, Reid picked up on the first ring. "This is Garcia's phone, you've got Reid." A few seconds passed until a grin formed on the genius' lips. "Derek! Hi!"

It didn't take long for the caller's name to register in Garcia's ear. She leaped off the couch and nearly knocked Reid against the ground while grabbing the Phone off his hands. "My chocolate thunder!" she beathed into the phone. "Michael Blackford escaped and the only property of his I can find is his house! You guys need to get there asap!"

"Garcia, slow down," Morgan soothed, trying to calm down the technical analyst. He made her take a deep breath before continuing. "Listen, is Emily there with you? She left the hospital nearly an hour ago and she was really furious. I think she's going to do something stupid. If she's not with you guys, check the house anyway."

"We haven't seen her here, but I'll send Reid to do a sweep of the house," Garcia answered, waving her hands towards Reid to motion him what to do. The young doctor quickly received the hint and dissapeared up the staircase to check the upstairs rooms. "Do you really think she'll do anything stupid?"

A sigh left Morgan's lips as he let his eyes wander over JJ's small form in the hospital bed. "JJ is her wife, baby girl. I _know_ she'll do something stupid."

Garcia had just finished her sentence when Reid came rushing down the stairs. "The window in the master bedroom is open along with the safe in the closet. Her spare gun is missing, Garcia."

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Emily was sitting in her car while looking down the street. In between the houses she had a good view of her own place. She had parked her car a few blocks from her house, not wanting to draw any attention to herself as she snuck into the house to retrieve her spare gun. This was _her_ fight. Not Garcia's, not the boys', _hers._ He had put JJ in the hospital and now Emily was going to put him back behind bars. The only thing she hadn't decided on yet was if she was going to bring him in dead or alive.

It was already dark outside as she put the car in gear and started driving through the streets, contemplating where Michael would have gone. Her hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles turned white from the pressure while her eyes scanned the area. Of course, she knew she wouldn't find Michael just simply wandering the streets, but she couldn't help but peer through the houses and trees. Then it hit her. He would probably go back to where it all ended to continue his journey from there.

She pressed her foot harder down on the gas pedal and sped through the streets to her destination. Once arrived, she got put the car in park and observed the house, instantly reaching for her spare gun to rest it on her lap. Michael Blackford's house was still surrounded by police tape, but she noticed the small cut in the tape near the door. Michael had returned home. As she squinted her eyes to search for any movement, she noticed the curtains sway as someone walked past. She took a deep breath and rested a hand on the door. It was time.

As she was about to open the door, she was startled by a knock on the window at the passenger's side. Her head whipped around and her gun aimed, which she immediately regretted as she was staring into the green eyes of a young teenage boy. She quickly lowered her gun and rolled the window down, but before she could apologize for the gun, the boy already started speaking. "A man told me to give you this," he said as he held his hand out inside the car.

Emily reached for the boy's hand and felt something cool being placed into her palm. She gritted her teeth as she realised what the object was and turned back to the boy, only to find he was already gone. With a deep sigh, she held out the object in front of her. The bullet reflected in the street lights and an angry growl escaped her lips as her name was engraved in the deadly projectile. Her head turned towards the house as her eyes turned dark with anger. This was the man who put a bullet in JJ's neck. This was the man who put JJ in a coma. This was the man who delivered a bullet with her name on it. This was the man who needed to pay for what he'd done.

She knew the team would be close so she opened the door of her car and jogged across the street, gun in hand. As she reached the front door, she silently pushed it open and aimed her gun into the room to clear it. Her heart was pounding in her chest while the adrenaline took over her body. "I know you're in here you bastard!" she shouted through the house, clearing room by room. She stopped at the door to the basement, guessing he would go to where it all really ended for him.

With one strong kick, the door flew all the way down the stairs and landed at the bottom on the hardwood floor. She descended the steps slowly, this time more than aware of her surroundings so she wouldn't be surprised by any object that might hit her in the head. She released a frustrated breath as she found the basement empty. There seemed to be no sign of Michael Blackford until she heard the slamming of a door on the upper floor. She quickly aimed her gun again as she rushed up the stairs to the living room and made her way to the stairs of the first floor.

"How is your wife doing? Did she wake up yet?" Michael taunted as he called out from one of the rooms. Emily tried to listen where his voice came from, but she was still too far away to determin the point of origin. He wanted to get under her skin. She ascended the stairs and kicked all the doors open, but found all the rooms empty. "What's the matter, agent Prentiss? Can't find me?"

"Show me your face you coward!" she yelled, getting more furious with the game he was playing. She kept her gun aimed in front of her and moved herself into a corner so she wouldn't get surprised from behind. Her chest was rising and falling with the quick breaths she was taking and she tried to calm herself down in order to be able to react when she needed it. She was in the perfect position to see everything coming.

Or so she thought. Suddenly, the ceiling above her head gave way and fell down around her while Michael landed on top of her body and took her down to the ground, knocking her gun away in the process. She quickly delivered a kick to his groin and he cried in pain as he fell back. She jumped up the same time Michael recovered from the kick and pushed himself up. They were standing face to face. Michael's eyes locked with Emily's and the brunette became more and more frustrated by the minute.

She felt as if she was standing in the middle of a western movie where two cowboys had a show down and one was soon to be shot down. The only difference was she and Michael were unarmed. That is until Michael pulled out a knife with a very small blade. He had chosen this particular knife so he wouldn't do any internal damage, but still inflict maximum pain. He didn't want to kill Emily yet, he had other plans for her.

Michael swung forward with the knife, an attack which Emily skillfully avoided, jumping out of the way and hitting him in the jaw with her fist instead. A small smile crossed her lips as she saw Michael bring his hand up to his lip and his eyes turned angrier by the minute. This time he used a different approach, which Emily hadn't seen coming. He moved right before quickly diving under the brunette's arm, taking ahold of it and twisting it around her back. She felt a sharp pain just below her ribs and bit her lip in order to keep a cry inside. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

"Oh, you will scream once I'm done with you, I can promise you that," Michael stated as he started to drag Emily down the stairs. She tried to kick against the wall to get them to fall down the stairs, but Michael stabbed the knife into her body once again, only two inches away from he first cut. She took a sharp intake of breath, but still refused to let any sound pass her lips. "You're going to beg me to keep you alive."

Emily felt another sharp stab just below her ribs and her knees buckled from the pain. A single tear crossed her cheek as she let her mind drift off to her wife. Maybe she deserved to be in pain. JJ shouldn't be in a coma, _she_ should be the one lying in the hospital bed. She swallowed hard as she remembered the doctor saying JJ might never wake up. Maybe it wasn't Michael's turn to pay for what he did, maybe it was _her_ turn to pay for failing JJ.

She should have been able to save her wife. They never should have been in that position down in the basement. She was the unit chief. her decisions had led them there. Her decisions had put JJ into a coma. She felt like she deserved everything that was coming to her. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, surrendering to Michael's actions. Her voice trembled as she spoke. "You can do whatever you want to me."

"Oh, I have big plans for you," Michael grinned as he took Emily out the back door. He had hid his stolen car in the outside garage. Once they reached the vehicle, he made Emily climb in the back and he used zip ties to tie her hands around the headrest of the passenger's seat. Once he knew she was secured, he rounded the car and took the driver's seat. Through the rearview mirror, he could see Emily's face. She didn't show any sign of resistance as she just let her body rest against the back of the passenger's seat, her eyes closed.

He had her right where he wanted her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! Here's another update!**

 **Of course, we all know Emily wouldn't just give up ;-) Hope you'll like this next update!**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

Derek Morgan was watching JJ intently; just a few seconds ago, he could have sworn he saw a finger move. It wouldn't be right for JJ to wake up without Emily present, but if she did, they had all the more reason to get Emily back home safe. They still had no leads as to where he took her. They all knew who was behind it, but now they had to find his hiding spot. He felt terrible he wasn't out there looking for his friend, but Emily had given him the job of protecting JJ and that was exactly what he intended to do.

Another finger moved and Derek shuffled his chair closer to the bed, taking a hold of JJ's hand. What was he supposed to tell her? _Your wife isn't here because she is taken by the man who put you into this bed?_ No, that didn't sound right. _Your wife went after the bastard who put you in here because he escaped custody?_ No, not that either. He had to break it down gently, knowing JJ would still be fragile once she woke up.

A squeeze in his hand broke him out of his thoughts and his heart started pounding in his chest as he kept a close eye on JJ's face. A whimper escaped her lips and he knew deep down she really was waking up. He glanced to the glass doors and waved his hand, urging a nurse to come into the room.

"I think she's waking up," he informed her, holding up their joined hands to prove his point. "She just squeezed my hand and she's making sounds,"

"Well, that would be a good sign if she were to wake up," the nurse nodded, quickly checking JJ's vitals.

She studied her chart before hanging it back where it once stood.

"Everything seems to be going well, there are no inconsistansies. I will go and get a doctor so he can examine her when she wakes up,"

With a small nod in agreement, Morgan turned his attention back to the woman in the bed. He could see her eyes moving behind closed eyelids and knew she was just seconds from waking up. His left hand made its way to her left knee and with is right, he picked up her hand and held it in his.

Suddely JJ's eyes shot open. She was frantically looking around the room as if she still wasn't aware of her surroundings until her eyes fell on Morgan. His lips were moving, but the words didn't seem to reach her ears. Turning her gaze away from the hispanic agent, she tried to look around the room. A picture of Michael Blackford flashed in front of her eyes and all of a sudden it felt as if she was back in the basement, staring into the barrel of her own gun. Her eyes were rying to follow the actions, but everything went by too fast. The next thing she knew, she was lying on the ground, staring up into beautiful brown eyes.

"JJ," She finally heard a voice and turned her head to the source which had brought her back to the present.

Morgan was still standing to her left and was slightly bent over her bed. Then she noticed the muscles in his upper arm tense and her gaze followed his arm as she finally realised he was holding her hand. He was squeezing her hand every now and then to try and get a reaction from her.

JJ opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again as she realised she couldn't squeeze back. Her mind willed her hand to move, but the limb was too stubborn to take any orders. Instead it just kept still, refusing to budge. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it yet again as she realised his other hand was resting on her knee. Tears sprung in her eyes as fear set in. If she hadn't seen the hand on her knee, she never would have noticed because she didn't feel the pressure it created. Morgan, seeing her reaction, quickly removed his hand and placed it on the other, which was still holding her left hand.

"Emily?" the blonde choked out before Morgan had a chance to speak.

"The doctor will be here soon," the male agent explained, trying to ignore the question by focussing on her condition instead.

"He said it was normal to feel weak. The bullet hit some nerves and muscles which control the left side of your body. You've been in a coma for an entire week. You played quite the hero,"

JJ squinted her eyes at the man, still trying to put together the pieces of what happened in the basement. _I'm staring into my own gun, I'm lying on the ground in a cool pool of blood while trying to communicate with Emily._

"Emily?" she tried again, urging Morgan to speak up and tell her where her wife was. His silence felt as if he was about to deliver terrible news and tears once again made their way to her eyes. She didn't even bother to keep them inside, but Morgan was quick to soothe her.

"No, JJ, no, she's okay, I promise. We just..." he fell silent once again as he searched for the right words to say.

"She's been by your side every single day, but when she found out Michael escaped, she..." His words trailed off, hoping JJ could fill in the blanks on her own.

"Michael?" the blonde whispered as she leaned her head back into the pillow.

She squeezed her eyes shut in order to try and force her memory. _We were in the house, I went to the basement, I stared at my own gun, I'm lying on the_ floor. No, that couldn't be all she remembered.

Without realising it, she lifted up her right arm and pressed her palm against her forehead. _We entered the house, I went to the basement, I saved the victim, she took my gun._ While shaking her head, she kept trying to force her mind to remember everything completely. She tried to remember the smell, the sounds, anything she could think of. _I heard Emily's heels down the stairs, Michael hit her, he was going to shoot her, he shot me. He scaped. Waith, he escaped?_ She mulled over those last words over and over again, but they never made sense. Her eyes flew open and bore into Morgan's.

"He escaped?!"

The hispanic agent quickly made a hand motion to try and get the younger woman to lower her voice.

"Emily went after him. They told the police numerous times he needed enouth officers to guard him, but they wouldn't listen,"

"Where is he? Where is _Emily_? Where are _they_ now?"

It was the question Morgan had dreaded the most. Somewhere deep down he was furious at Emily to leave him in this situation, but on the other hand, he understood her actions. If it were Savannah who had been taken, he would have done the exact same thing. He took a deep breath and locked eyes with the blonde.

"She went after him and now we lost them both,"

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Emily was slowly waking up. Her head was pounding from the iron pipe Michael had used to knock her out with once again. This time he had made sure she really was out cold. She tried to move her hand, but was met with a restraint, forcing her to keep it in place. The harder she tried to move her arm, the harder the ziptie cut into her wrist until it drew a thin line of blood. Slowly opening one eye, she tried to look around the room. A bright lamp was positioned in front of her, shining its light directly into her face, making it hard for her to keep her eyes open.

It was only now she realised she was sitting down on a chair. With both of her eyes now openen, she squinted against the light so she could analyze the entire situation. Her hands were restrained with zipties around the armrests of the chair and her ankles were bound to its legs. Her eyes roamed over her body where she found a rope wrapped around her chest. There was no way she was going to get out of this situation. With a glance at her watch, which she was still wearing, she could see it had been three hours since Michael escaped.

Now looking around the room, the only thing standing there besides the lamp was an old television with a laptop sitting on top. There were barely any windows except for one small sash window to her left. It was too dark to see anything outside, but given the size of the window, she guessed she was somewhere in a basement. With a deep sigh, she let her body slump into the chair. She had to make a plan if she wanted to get out of the situation. She didn't mind taking his beatings, because she thought that was what she deserved for failing JJ, but she wasn't ready to die either. With one last glance at her watch, she knew what she had to do.

"Look who's awake," a voice laughed behind and as she felt a finger trace along the curve of her neck, her body tensed.

Michael rounded the chair and turned off the big lamp inside the room. Instead, he powered on the tv and took the remote in his hand. With his other, he pushed a button on the laptop.

"Took you long enough. Maybe I hit you a little too hard,"

"What do you want? Torture me? Go ahead," Emily sighed, leaning her head back in frustration.

She tried to wriggle her body in the meantime, hoping the rope around her chest would loosen up a little. Luckily, Michael didn't noticed because he was too busy working on his laptop. Suddenly, JJ's hospital room showed up on the tv and Emily froze in the chair.

"What are you doing?"

A grin spread on the taller man's face as he leaned against the tv.

"There are many different ways of torture," he explained, pointing to the tv. "I know for a fact you don't want anything to happen to that lady in the bed,"

It was only now Emily realised JJ had woken up and Derek was seated next to her bed.

"JJ," she whispered, trying to get closer to the tv.

She couldn't believe her eyes. The doctors had told her the chances of her waking up were slim, but there she was, sitting up right and talking to Morgan. Emily did noticed how the left side of her body was slightly slumped and guessed the blonde had lost the feeling in a few parts of her body.

Tears made their way to her eyes. How could she have been so stupid? She should have stayed in the hospital with her wife. Instead, she went after the unsub and allowed herself to get caught. A wave of anger flushed through her body and suddenly, she violently fought to get out of the chair. The zipties wouldn't budge, but she could feel the rope start to loosen up around her chest.

A loud laughter escaped Michael's lips as he enjoyed seeing the unit chief struggle.

"You're never getting out of that chair," he chuckled, tossing the remote to Emily's feet.

"Too bad because there is sound with this video. If you were able to get out, you would've been able to turn on the sound. Oh well, not my problem. Besides, I have a guy inside that hospital. One wrong move from you and one phone call from me and my guy will inject something in the IV of that wife of yours. Trust me, she'll never wake up after that,"

With that, Michael passed by her chair and left the room, leaving Emily alone with the video.

"No!" Emily screamed, but Michael had already closed the door.

With a grumble, Emily tried to move out of the chair.

"No!" she screamed again, fighting the rope and zipties with every strength inside her body.

A few more movements with her chest and the rope suddenly pooled in her lap, allowing Emily to let out a relieved sigh. Now she could finally carry out her plan.

She bent down to reach her watch with her mouth. Derek had given her the watch after the whole Doyle scenario, just in case something similar were to happen again. Right now, it was time for the watch to prove its use. With her nose, she pushed the glass aside, revealing a tiny button inserted inside the watch. She pushed it and a bright red light started shining. Carefully, she placed the glass back where it belonged, but let out a frustrated grunt as she noticed the red light gave a red shine to the glass. All she could do was hope that Michael wouldn't noticed the change in her watch.

It didn't take long for Michael to emerge back into the room, carrying a tray full of knives. Of course, she could have known making her watch her wife on tv wasn't going to be his only method of torture. She swallowed hard as he turned towards her and his eyes scanned over the fallen rope.

"I see you tried to get away," he grinned as he moved closer and took a hold of the rope. He tied it back around her chest and his motions stopped as his eyes fell on her watch. "What's that?"

"What's what?" Emily innocently countered, trying to get Michael's eyes back on her.

Her tactics were in vain as he angrily pulled off her watch and opened the glass.

"A gps tracker?" he spat furiously, tossing the watch on the ground before kicking his feet on top of it. "You made the wrong move!" He took out his cell phone and typed in a message.

"No, no, no, no!" Emily pleaded, again trying to get out of the chair as she saw a man entering JJ's hopsital room. "Derek! Do something!"

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Morgan was seated in a chair next to JJ's bed. The doctor had just checked up on JJ and had left the room.

"Doctor said you'll probably regain all the feeling in your limbs, that's good news isn't it?" Morgan smiled, leaning back in his chair.

He noticed JJ sigh and frowned, urging the blonde woman to speak up.

"I know, it's fantastic, I just..." Her smile faltered as she locked eyes with Morgan. "You need to find Emily, Derek. You need to be out there looking for my wife,"

"I know," Morgan agreed yet shook his head left to right. "But I promised her I'd stay here and protect you. Besides, the entire BAU is looking for her, they're in the best position of finding her,"

As JJ slumped back in the bed, a tall dark man, dressed in nurse's clothes entered the room. "I'm just here to check up on you, miss. I need to give you some extra painkillers,"

Morgan raised an eyebrow and got to his feet. "Doctor Kumar has just been in here to check up on her and he didn't say anything about pain killers,"

"Besides, I'm not in pain right now," JJ added, pulling her arm away from the man's grasp as he took out a syringe. "What are you doing?"

Just as the man was about to try and take another hold of JJ's arm, Morgan lunged forward and threw himself at the man, attempting to twist the syringe out of his hand. They both fell to the ground, wrestling for the syringe while JJ called out for help. Seconds seemed like hours before Morgan finally managed to get a hold of the man's arm and twisted it so he stabbed himself with the syringe. It didn't take long before his eyes dialated and his limbs fell to the floor.

Another nurse came running in and gasped at the scene in front of him. "It's okay," Morgan attempted to calm down the male nurse.

"I'm a former FBI agent, she is an FBI agent, her badge is in her purse on the chair." Pointing to the purse he was referring to, he slowly got to his feet. "This man was attempting to kill a federal agent, I couldn't let that happen,"

The male nurse still wasn't sure about Morgan's explanation, but he waved over some of his collegues. Together, they lifted the body onto a stretcher and covered it with a blanket before rolling it out into the hallway.

"I will have to inform my surperiors and security," the male nurse stated, earning a nod from the former FBI agent. With that, the man left the room, leaving the two friends alone.

"Did that really just happen?" JJ questioned, attempting to get back to a sitting position.

In all the comotion, she had turned to her left side and was now struggling to get back up. Morgan, being the gentleman he is, quickly rushed to her side to help her back in her previous position. He was about to reply when the sound of his cell phone filled the room.

He smiled as he saw the caller ID. "Hey baby girl, you're on speaker," he greeted her, allowing JJ to listen in on the conversation. "You will not believe what just happened,"

"Oh, you'd be surprised my brown chocolate genius," the technical analyst countered, earning a frown from both friends.

"You see, that gps thingy you put in Emily's watch came in handy. I think she managed to activate it. It pinged off a tower just long enough for me to get an exact location. I already sent the team on their way. Also, by doing a technical sweep around the building, I found some active servers. He's streaming a live video from your room, I'm looking at it right now,"

"He's hidden a camera in here? How the hell did he manage to do that? He could never have known in which room JJ would be put in," Morgan wondered as he sat down on the edge of the younger woman's bed.

A chuckle escaped Garcia's lips. "Well, that's where our guy comes in. That was one hell of a tackle! I ran his face through my program and it appears they went to the same school. They have a similar past so I figure they stuck together,"

"Well, let's hope they can finally bring my wife in here," JJ sighed, leaning back into her pillow, praying Michael hadn't killed her yet.

If he had a live feed from this room, that meant he saw his attempt to kill her had failed. That also meant he would take out his anger on Emily. All she could do was pray her wife would be found alive while in the meantime, Derek went in search of the hidden camera.


End file.
